Since being a Mama I thought I had lost myself. A little here, a little there. Some of it due to tiredness. Lots of it due to worry.
I used to be adventurous, more carefree. Hubs and I travelled for a year, we visited over 14 countries, this included Portugal, Germany, Syria, Turkey and my favorite, India.
I remember when we were in India, the tsunami hit. We were on the opposite side of the country and we did not even know about it due to a total lack of anything technological. Since we were on the opposite side of India(Goa), we were spared from complete devestation.
What we did get was an aftershock. We had been there for a few weeks and while we were there a family began building a restaurant on the beach. All the buildings were behind a rock wall, this was going to be the first building directly on the beach. They finished it on Christmas day, we went to eat dinner there on Dec 26th. It was hubs, me and a friend that we had began travelling with. We were sitting at the table and we saw that the waves were getting bigger. What should of been a really clear clue was that all the dogs were howling and leaving the beach to go inland, little did we know was most of the locals were doing the same. At first we did not think anything of it, we laughed when the water hit our toes. We thought it was interesting when it hit our calves. We down right started running for the wall when it came to our knees. I remember hubs put me on the wall and him and our new friend started helping others and grabbing tables and chairs(?). The water kept coming in, to be honest, I dont remember for how long. It never came over the wall.
A few first thoughts I had was, “Stop saving tables and chairs, get up here so you don’t get swept away!” It also occurred to me that we had left our passports (where we always did) in our unlocked hut. Without those we didn’t have an identity. Plus in all the chaos, hubs forgot that his wallet was next to him on top of the table that was now swimming in the ocean.
So why am I telling you this? I guess because in my mind that whole year was one of the best in my life. It was full of adventure and being carefree! That is who I was.
Now seven years later, I have had two of the best years of my life. Was it adventurous? Heck ya. Was it full of new experiences? You betcha. It was exciting but not carefree, which had its challenges. And I always locked my doors and knew where my passport was! But it was amazing.
So I guess what I am trying to say, is I feel like the last little while I have been trying to find myself. But as I look back I have been here all along. I suppose maybe just more mature. And now I have someone to put first instead of myself.
I think maybe there is something truly beautiful in living a mundane life. Our life is just that, pretty ordinary. We have something that we have never believed in – a schedule. Ahhh! Never thought that would be us, but there I put it out there, we’ve got that. We have messy rooms, and dishes piled in the sink. We have an endless list (never thought we would have those either) of things that gotta get done.
We also have more giggles then ever, more hugs and kisses. We have a house full of singing and blowing bubbles. Family dinners and daily walks together. We have a funny little dog who has stolen all of our hearts. This house, this life, this family maybe ordinary, but we have got an extraordinary amount of love going on here. That warm fuzzy stuff that makes you go blah! Yep thats us.
So maybe we are not trekking the great wall of China (yes, I did think we would have a baby and then spend at least six months travelling, haha). Maybe we are not living on the wild side and booking one way tickets. But I think this is also a pretty great place to be. Just being me, a little of that old adventurous me, a lot of new mommy me, and room left to continue growing and changing into who God wants me to be.